It is that time of year again.  Lights are twinkling, carols are playing and scented candles are burning.  It is also the time of year we tend to do the most socializing.  This can mean sensory overload for individuals on the ASD spectrum.  If you are part of this community you have probably already been overloaded with articles on ways to reduce sensory stimulation, but since this is the season of excess I thought I would add one more to the mix. Here are some of my suggestions for a more Silent Night.

​First of all don’t feel you have to attend everything.  There is often family and social pressure to leave your house and enter into environments that are not only unfamiliar but also full of sensory stimulation.  If you are a person with ASD or a parent of a person with ASD you know how stressful that can be. Go only if you can and stay only as long as you can.  Christmas is a time of love, those who love you will understand.  There are lots of times of the year to practice social situations. Christmas may not be the best time.  

Remember that individuals with ASD may interpret situations differently than others and are not always able to express this effectively. Little ones may have melt downs because the environment is too overwhelming.  They may be afraid of all those decorations that can begin making music or lighting up with out warning. They may wonder when social events are ever going to end? They may be worried about being “attacked” by great aunties who want to kiss and hug them. Predictability is so important, especially this time of year.

This is the time of year to really break out the social stories and visual schedules.  And remember to make them detailed, just because we understand the natural unfolding of a social event does not mean our child with ASD will. My own daughter loves our Christmas Eve afternoon party. She looks forward to it all year. But it is still an immensely overwhelming time for her. I always did a schedule for her to follow so it could be more predictable. Still at the end of the party, when the last event on her schedule was completed, she would ask people to go home. It was a problem.

​Then after many years (I am not a quick study) I realized what the problem was and added one more event to her list, small talk.  I told her it was the thing people liked to do at the end of parties before they head out the door.  She expressed that this was not an activity she enjoyed and I said that was fine, she could excuse herself from this but others were welcome to stay and partake. Problem solved!  She just needed to understand what was happening and I needed to understand what she needed.  ​

​For some kiddos this can be terrifying.  The idea of a strange man sneaking into their house while they are sleeping can strike fear in their hearts.  To be honest unless that man was Chris Pine or Jake from Scandal I’d be scared too.  You know your child best.  If this concept is going to scare the bejingle out of your child then let it go. Come up with your own Night Before Christmas.  Some families who have children who are particularly surprise adverse let them see their presents before they are wrapped.  Remember, it doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s Christmas to be a great Christmas.   

So from my house to yours, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas and calm and regulated new year.  ​

Messages like:

People with autism must be getting lots of services and support because everyone is talking about autism.  (Information is great but it is only the first step.)

Individuals with autism must like puzzles, a lot, it is on all their stuff. (Ok yes, my child with autism does but not all do and it is hardly newsworthy enough to put a ribbon on my car about it. There is a bigger message here)

If I “light it up blue” I have done my part to support a family with autism. (Yes it is a nice gesture and we appreciate it but true support comes from being there, lending an ear and a hand and maybe even a child for a play date.)

What I wish could be learned this month is:

Individuals with autism are people. Not super heroes, or gifts from God given only to special parents who can handle them, or drains on society, or second class citizens, or Einsteins. They are people. I think often they are brave people, but then adversity will do that to a person.

What does autism awareness month mean to you? Tell me about it.

Parenting is a roller coaster of emotions.  Autism parenting is a very fast, very high, very intense roller coaster of emotions.  The kind of roller coaster you find in Bush Gardens. The kind I never get on.  But I am riding this one, everyday.  For the most part this ride involves a lot of screaming and holding on for dear life, but there are also times when the roller coaster crests for a minute and I get a chance to breath and feel something else … thankful. This thanksgiving weekend seems like a good time to talk about that emotion. 

I am thankful for my children, all their strengths, quirks, needs, stims, talents, special interests, everything. Every bit that makes them special and makes them mine.

I am thankful for other ASD parents who ride the roller coaster with me and are there to discuss the ride, whether it be over wine or over the internet, they have my undying gratitude. Thank you!

I am thankful for social stories (thank you Carol Grey) and visuals and schedules and power cards and reward charts and all the things that make the lives of the many children I love easier.

I am thankful for the waitress/ store clerk/ flight attendant/ hair dresser/ etc that I randomly cross paths with, who instantly get it and are kind to my children with out being patronizing.  Those people are gems.

I am thankful for ipads, OMG I am so thankful for the ipad. Although I have guilt about the amount of time my child spends on it I value it for its calming and entertainment powers.

I am thankful for the teachers and doctors and other professionals that have come into my children’s’ lives and have been such a tremendous support to them and to me. You know who you are because I would have told you over and over and over. Well I am telling you again, Thank You!

I am thankful for trampolines, puzzles, swings, clothes that have no tags, Dominion’s gluten free section, Rainbow Riders, fidgets toys, Disney, Shakespeare, yoga pants (for both Hayley and I ☺ ) supportive family, deep breathing and wine (that one is all me).

Thank you my lovely blog followers, I am thankful for you. I hope your roller coaster crests long enough this weekend for you to feel thankful too. If not, know that I will be holding tight and screaming along with you.

A diagnosis of ASD is made based on observable behaviours, but in recent years scientists are also able to learn more by looking at the brain through scans and post-mortem exams. Some studies suggest that the amygdala in individuals with autism is bigger and has more activity than in neuro-typical brains. More brain activity may sound like a good thing but in this case not so much. The amygdala is what I like to call the panic room.  It is where the urge to fight or flight resides.  It is a necessary part of the brain for survival but when overly activated it can cause a lot of anxiety. 

Have you ever walked down a dark alley and heard footsteps behind you?  Ok first of all what are you doing? GET OUT OF THE ALLEY!! Stay safe and avoid the dark alleys. But if you have or have simply watched some one do it on TV (much more sensible) you know that feeling.  You might feel sweaty, your heart may race, you may feel ready to jump out of your skin. All in all not super pleasant.  This is how our kids are feeling a great deal of the time and not just in dark alleys, but also in school, in restaurants, in Wal-Mart (Oh Lordy, especially in Wal-Mart). This is why we sometimes see behaviors like aggression or running. This is fight or flight. Our children are simply responding to the perceived threat. It is biology.  

I don’t like to brag but my child’s amygdala seems to be super advanced.  I mean really, really big. I am surprised she can lift her head.  So she lives in a state of fight or flight most of the time.  We have not been able to “fix” this and believe me it continues to be a problem but I have tried a couple of things that has helped. First and foremost I have tried to educate those around her. It is important that teachers understand the reason for the behaviours that may result from my daughter’s “super brain”.  I have found that giving her a safe place to run has helped. 

During Hurricane Igor her amygdala was majorly fired up so I created a little storm shelter, a relaxing corner, that she could run too when that need over took her.  I have clients who have places in the school that they can go to when the need to run is too strong to rein in.  Of course we work on strategies to help a child calm before this need kicks in but sometimes that doesn’t work. This is why it is important to think ahead and provide a safe harbour.  In terms of the fight reflex, it is hard to fight with yourself.  So my advice is step away from the amygdala. Let the child calm down. Do not try to physically engage at this time (unless you have found a deep pressure activity that works for your child or obviously if your child’s safety is at risk).  

These are not foolproof ideas and it is a work in progress in my home and many of the homes I know. But understanding how the brain works helps us understand our children and better understanding makes our brains a little more super too.

Does your child have a super amygdala? Want to brag/lament/muse about it here. Go ahead, I love it when parents share. 

This week little Johnny/Joanie/Hayley is going back to school (even though I am in denial).

This makes me feel a little nervous (I have been having school nightmares for weeks and I think my hair may be falling out)

I can be brave about Johnny/Joanie/ Hayley going back to school (wine can help). 

I can prepare the teachers with a little write up (plus multiple meetings, emails, and a bribe if necessary)

I can prepare by purchasing school supplies (and cutting the tags off all the most comfortable clothes I could find, laminating visuals, purchasing sensory equipment, preparing multiple social stories and upping my medications).

My friends and family will be so proud that I am coping with this (when and if that day ever comes, right now they are barely tolerating my rantings). 

My child will be so proud that I am coping with this (my child couldn’t care less and really has enough concerns about going back of his or her own to worry about).

I will be so proud of myself for coping (if I manage to let go of the back of my child’s coat with out school staff having to intervene I will reward myself with a martini and a whole cake).

It is going to be a great year (it probably will be but I will still be like this again next September ☺ ).

Well it is nearly that time of year again. The time when our children have to take off their pyjamas, put down their iPads and face the outside world again. At least that’s what going back to school means in my house. This transition can be riddled with anxiety and fear, but enough about us parents, it’s not easy for our kids either.  So what can we do to make the transition easier? 

Some of the things I have tried I’m sure you guys are trying too. In the two weeks leading up to school I start to adjust bedtime and wake time bit by bit until it resembles the school year schedule.  We schedule things like haircuts, outing to pick out a new book bag and the like to make it feel celebratory.  For some of my really reluctant little students I have even recommended a “next grade” party. Something that celebrates the move to a higher grade complete with a present and of course cake.  Social stories are a staple in this house and going back to school requires a good one.  Last year’s story focused on the idea that going to school was Hayley’s job just like my job was to look after her and work so I could buy her treats. This year’s will focus on the move to high school and the importance of working hard to learn about the various subjects. My social story this year will be about not drinking martinis in the school parking lot and then storming the office shouting “I’m not ready for high school”.  I am thinking I may need a more intense intervention.

For the people who know me they know there is one word that comes up often in program planning.  That word is advent calendar.  That’s right, they are not just for Christmas anymore. I use advent calendars for everything. Potty training? Make an advent calendar. Going on a trip? You need an advent calendar for sure.  For those who don’t know me so well you may be thinking "what kind of foolishness is this, has this woman spent too much time with the Christmas Wishbook" (for the record … yes!). The advent calendar idea is simply a way to count down to an event, especially an event that may have associated anxiety. For school I usually start about 5 days before but you know your own children best and may choose to have more days or less in the countdown.  I have little gifts that will prepare the child for the event.  In this case school, so school supplies (fun ones) are a good choice.  You can use numbered gift bags or little boxes, some families go all in and make little doors in a cardboard box that their child can open each day.  No matter what way you do it the idea is that your child will open a small gift each day as a way to count down to the first day of school.  This pairs a positive feeling with the idea of returning to school and helps your child slowly adjust to the idea of the transition.  For those parents who feel they need an advent calendar too may I suggest you get your inspiration from the inside of a mini bar. But that is a whole other blog post. 

These are just some of the ideas I have tried. I’d love to hear yours. Write me quick, first day of school is coming.